Something Kinda Funny
by Indigo Kitti
Summary: Harry seems to have forgotten something very important over the summer. When he arrives back at Hogwarts Dumbledore and Snape break the news to a very shocked Harry. Draco Malfoy is carrying his child. DMHP slash, mpreg, 7th year, note the genre
1. Something Kinda Funny

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Warning: This is a slash, mpreg (that's male pregnancy) story. For those of you who don't like that kind of thing or have an over whelming case of 'living in reality' I suggest you push the back button and read my essay.

Author's Notes: All I have to say in my defense is its not meant to be taken seriously so please don't.

Chapter 1: Something Kinda Funny 

_"Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny."_  
_-__Kim Hubbard_

Okay, this whole thing's kinda complicated. No wait. Make that _very_ complicated. And I blame it all on Malfoy.

And this time it really was his fault.

It started about two weeks into our seventh year at Hogwarts; everything had been relatively normal. Snap was a git, Malfoy was a git, Dumbledore was irritatingly obscure and twinkly with a bizarre passion for lemon drops, Ron and Hermione were ignoring their feelings for each other, and Voldie wanted nothing but my death. Yep, everything was status quo.

Notice how I said 'relatively' normal though. You see for some reason there was a permanent black cloud hovering over Hogwarts, lightning, thunder, rain – the works. And the teachers were starting to get worried.

"Harry," Dumbledore said, coming up and laying a hand on my shoulder, "come to my office. I need to have a word with you."

I shrugged and followed him, motioning for Ron and Hermione to go ahead to the common room without me.

"What's wrong Professor?" I asked.

"What makes you think something's wrong, Harry?" Dumbledore asked as we approached his office. "Ice mice," he added after a moment, opening the door to his office up.

"Well you and the other Professors have been worried lately."

Dumbledore seemed torn between being proud of me for the observation and worrying if anyone else had noticed. They had – Hermione'd been the one to tell me. Snape however had no such qualms.

"Mr. Potter, astute as always I see," he sneered from his place beside Draco Malfoy in Dumbledore's office.

Yep, you heard me right, Malfoy and Snape were in Dumbledore's office too. I knew almost immediately what the problem was.

"Professor? Malfoy? What are you doing here?"

Okay, well maybe not immediately.

"Don't worry Harry, it will all be explained to you in a moment," Dumbledore said cheerfully, directing me into the chair beside Malfoy's.

Malfoy looked embarrassed and I had to wonder why. I mean come on, Malfoy barely _ever_ showed emotion.

Dumbledore sat behind his huge desk and Snape hovered in the shadows as always.

"Harry," Dumbledore said in his grave I'm-so-sorry-I-have-to-force-this-on-you voice, "I have bad news."

Well _duh_, I thought, forcing myself not to voice the thought, that voice _always_ meant something bad for me and it usually involved a certain dark lord.

And we're not talking Saruman here.

"It seems you're soon to be a father," Dumbledore finished, still grave and using _that_ voice.

_The hell,_ I thought, _a father?_

"The hell," I said intelligently, "a father?"

Dumbledore just nodded.

"Uh, Professor? I haven't uh... you know, yet."

Dumbledore looked at me sadly and said, "I know Harry but... well, it's complicated."

I just nodded and hoped he'd continue.

"You remember when You-Know-Who kidnapped you last year?" Snape said, taking over the explanation for Dumbledore.

"Well duh." I had no problem with being rude to Snape. At all.

He didn't even look angry with me for the snarky response, which I suppose should have tipped me off right away.

"Well here's the thing, you don't remember really."

"Huh?"

"You see," he said, equally as grave as Dumbledore but ten times as greasy, "the Dark Lord dosed you with a lust potion and forced you to... copulate... with a Death Eater that he'd discovered as a traitor and then preformed a charm to alter both of your memories."

"Um... why?" I asked, just a little shell-shocked and more then a little disgusted at myself.

"Why, so he could raise your child as his heir and have a very powerful wizard or witch under his control," Snape said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Which it wasn't – just to clarify – I mean even for Voldie that was twisted.

I turned mutely to Dumbledore who nodded gravely, confirming each and every word Snape had said.

"I... How do you know if he preformed a memory charm on me? And... I mean... wouldn't he keep a tight leash on whomever's..." I couldn't finish the sentence. I'd _raped_ some poor witch scarcely five months before.

"When I got word that our spy was being kept under lock and key I informed Dumbledore," Snape said.

"And I organized a rescue mission," Dumbledore added, "we didn't know until... well until we were told."

"I... Who is it?" I asked.

Snape and Dumbledore shared a glance and turned to Draco Malfoy who shook his head mutely.

I still wanted to know what this had to do with that git. _What the hell is he even doing here,_ I thought angrily, _its not like he's carrying my child._

Dumbledore sighed as he and Snape seemed to finish some silent discussion and turned to me. "Harry," he said, now ever sadder, "Draco Malfoy is carrying your baby."

A/N: Twisted? Me? Not really... I've read a couple of mpregs recently and found them surprisingly angst filled. And so voila, here come the plot bunny to make me write yet another pointless piece. But really, who needs a plot when you have slash?

And mpreg... let's not forget that!

R&R, even if it's just to tell me I'm weird.


	2. Half Empty, Half Full

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Warning: This is a slash, mpreg (that's male pregnancy) story. For those of you who don't like that kind of thing or have an over whelming case of 'living in reality' I suggest you push the back button and read my essay.

Author's Notes: All I have to say in my defense is its not meant to be taken seriously so please don't.

Chapter 2: Half Empty, Half Full

"_You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses."_

_- Ziggy_

Shock isn't a strong enough word for what I was feeling. I mean come on; I got Draco Malfoy _pregnant?_ It defied all logic and I was pretty damn sure it was impossible. Here was me, all ready to marry whatever poor unfortunate witch I'd raped with the help of Voldie, so much for good intentions.

It wasn't even the fact that I'd slept with a guy that bothered me – how could it when I was bisexual? – It was the fact that it was my rival. The biggest pain in my ass other then the evil, capital 'D' Dark Lord and all his minions who were trying to kill me... Which really made Malfoy look rather insignificant at the moment didn't it? But I digress.

"Huh?"

As I said I was in shock.

"You," Snape spat, "raped and impregnated Mr. Malfoy."

"But," I started.

"Harry," Dumbledore said gently, "there are spells which allow male wizards to become pregnant. Voldemort used one on Draco."

"Can't you, I don't know, get him a magical abortion or something?" I asked, I now realize this might have been an insensitive thing to say. Malfoy'd had three months to get used to the idea of having a baby after all.

"What?!" Malfoy cried, enraged, "Don't you _dare_ touch my baby, Potter!"

Dumbledore and Snape both looked taken aback at my attitude as well, I guess they thought I'd jump at the chance of having a child of my very own to love and care for.

It wasn't that I didn't want a family. It was just that I was seventeen, not married – forget _married_ I wasn't even _dating_ anyone – and very convinced that a male carrying a baby was a bad idea.

"Harry," Dumbledore said, obviously disappointed in me, "a life is a precious thing. Mr. Malfoy has agreed to carry this child to term, knowing what the consequences will be, and agreed that it'd be best if you knew about the situation we're in." 

I nodded; more then a little guilty about asking.

"Decided now Harry, do you want to play a part in the upbringing and birth of your child?"

Tough question – did I really want to spend more time then usual with Draco Malfoy? Then again the whole mess was at least half my fault... no wait, make that a third my fault.

And now that I thought about it having a kid didn't seem so bad really. I did want a family and starting early was probably a good idea when you were top on the hit list of the most powerful dark wizard in ages.

So, simple answer?

"Yes."

XoX

A/N's: I've noticed that has an annoying habit of erasing my page breaks when they involve astrix's so now I'm using X's and O's! Anyway, this chapter is shorter then the last one but I really wanted to end it so... yeah... Any suggestion for the next one? Should I do something from Draco's point of view maybe? I know that later on they're going to have a discussion about naming the baby! Any suggestion for names?

Thanks to Invisible Voice for reviewing! 

R&R, even if it's just to tell me I'm weird!


	3. Great Expectations

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Warning: This is a slash, mpreg (that's male pregnancy) story. For those of you who don't like that kind of thing or have an over whelming case of 'living in reality' I suggest you push the back button and read my essay.

Author's Notes: All I have to say in my defense is its not meant to be taken seriously so please don't.

Chapter 3: Great Expectations

"_Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside."_

_- Rita Rudner_

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled brightly as soon as he heard my answer. "Ah Harry," he said happily, "I knew we could count on you!"

Snape look a little disgruntled at the news. Not to mention surprised, which was perfectl fair. I was more then a bit surprised at myself too. _Guess I'm really a true Gryffindor after all_, I thought, _only a Gryffindor or a Hufflepuff would agree to this._

And I'm _so_ not a Hufflepuff here people.

Draco Malfoy looked about as shocked as I'd felt a few moments before – although I was still in shock, don't get me wrong, but now I was also feeling kind of numb. "Why Potter?" he asked quietly.

"Because it's my fault," I answered promptly, pausing to think about how messed up my life was about to become. I mean really, how was I going to explain all this to Hermione and Ron? I doubted they'd take the whole thing lying down.

Snapping out of my daze I realized Dumbledore had said something while I was lost in thought.

"Um... what?"

"I said, you and Draco will be sharing a room now. Try to get along. Severus?"

Mutely I followed the pregnant boy and the potions professor out of Dumbledore's office, desperately hoping that we'd at least have two beds in the room.

XoX

I hadn't been able to decide whether or not I wanted Potter to have a hand in raising our child. He made the decision for me, which I guess was perfectly fair.

Only... he seemed to be doing it because he felt guilty about raping me – now admittedly that's a pretty good reason for him to feel guilty, but it's sure as hell wasn't the way to convince me he'd be a good father to our child.

And ah! There was the problem, glaring at me from the back of my mind.

I thought he'd be a good father because I thought he was nice, smart, caring, loyal, kind, and slightly Slytherin.

Damn.

Severus led us to a portrait of an elephant a hall or so away from the library and snapped out, "Apple Pie!" Immediately the portrait swung open to reveal a small tunnel that led to a lavishly decorate room.

"Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Potter," Severus said coldly, "I'll leave you to explore your new chambers." And with that he swept away in an overly dramatic swirl or robes.

"Drama queen," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

Potter giggled behind me. That's right, _giggled_.

Almost expecting him to say something cruel like 'lady's first' I crawled through the opening to our new rooms and despaired at the thought of getting through the opening later in the year when I was huge.

At least the first trimester was over – no more morning sickness. And let me tell you about this supposed 'morning sickness' you aren't just sick in the morning, oh no, it lasts _all bloody day_. I'd prefer having strange cravings; unfortunately I seemed to have skipped that stereotype. Or is it a symptom? Ah well.

Potter was staring at me uncertainly and it was bugging the crap out of me.

"What do you want, Potter?"

He blinked stupidly. "Uh..."

I could tell it was going to be a very long and annoying four months plus. Now that Potter had agreed to help me with the baby I doubted he'd leave me alone once it was born. "Is that supposed to mean something to me?" I drawled, "You do realize I don't speak Gryffindor, don't you?"

Potter snapped his mouth shut for a moment before sticking his hand out. "Hello," he said, "I'm Harry Potter, nice to meet you."

At first I wanted to tell him that I knew who he was. Then I remembered our little encounter on the train first year and had an overwhelming urge to tell him to go to hell. However we did have a little girl on the way and it'd probably be healthier for her if her fathers weren't constantly at each others throats.

"Draco Malfoy," I said shaking his hand.

He smiled brightly and walked further into the green and gold room. It was quiet tastefully decorated, which was more then I could say for the Slytherin rooms. It had green carpeting and curtains. The wood on the couches and fireplace mantle was so dark it was nearly black. Potter flopped down on one of the green couches and absently traced the golden detailing on the round coffee table.

"So Draco," Potter said, startling me with his unexpected use of my first name, "do you know what the sex of the baby is? And have you thought of any names for it?"

"It is a girl, Potter," I snapped, uncomfortable with his first name still, "and no... I haven't really thought of any names for her."

Potter grinned at me as I sat down on the couch opposite him, slowly lowering myself down so I didn't jostle the baby around to much.

"I don't suppose you'll let me name her Lily?"

"No," I answered, not even pausing to consider it, "she won't have expectations heaped upon her. Our daughter will live free of the burdens that have been placed upon both of us, you to be the savior and me to be the.... wizarding antichrist. She'll have a name all her own."

Potter looked mildly impressed with my little speech, and I had to admit I was too. Then again, I'd spent my entire life living in my father's shadow – it was only logical that I didn't want my daughter to suffer the same fate.

"Wow, that's really deep. What about Leona?" Potter said.

I snorted and shook my head, "What part of 'name all her own' do you not understand? That obviously comes from you being a Gryffindor... and your mother's first initial."

He thought about it for a moment and then nodded.

"What do you want then?"

"Estelle?" I suggested, I quiet liked the name.

Potter however had other ideas.

"No, it sounds like a grandmother or a transvestite," he said.

I barely stopped myself from laughing aloud – it would have killed my image. Potter had a point.

"Alright, well since both our mothers are named after flowers let's go from there." I was quiet proud of myself for seeing the coincidence and suggesting the solution.

"Isn't that breaking the one rule we have in place?"

"Not really, it's just... following tradition. There's no pressure on her to be a like your mother – and certainly not like mine, god she's a bitch – or, as with Leona, be a Gryffindor."

He nodded and smiled, "Jasmine?"

I shrugged; it was nice but not quiet... something. "How about Clover?"

Right away I knew it was perfect, it was our daughters name without question and if Potter didn't agree I'd hex him until he did.

"It's perfect!" he exclaimed, startling me, "You're a genius!"

"Well I don't mean to brag but I am currently getting the second highest grades in the school."

Potter burst out laughing, surprising me yet again. _Maybe, _I thought, _maybe this won't be so bad after all._

XoX

A/N's: So? I think I did a better job keeping Draco in character then with LC, lol. Hopefully you enjoyed their little 'get to know you' discussion on the baby's name. I really like the name 'Clover' and it is a plant... I considered some others but discarded them in the end. Other names that where considered for her were; Rose (eww), Ericka (I know someone with this name so no), Daisy (ever heard of Daisy Duck? Gross...), Lilac (no... just...no), Blossom (Powerpuff Girls ==), Buttercup (it sounds like both a cow and a Powerpuff Girl), Marigold (baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad), Fleur (Been used), Flora (old lady), Heather (to common plus a friend of mine has this name), Mliss (to foreign), Rosemary (Rosemary's Baby. Rosemary's Casket), Saffron (This one was actually in second place but I settled on Clover in the end because I really like that name...)

As you can see... Choosing the right name for their baby was really hard...


	4. The Truth is Out There

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Warning: This is a slash, mpreg (that's male pregnancy) story. For those of you who don't like that kind of thing or have an over whelming case of 'living in reality' I suggest you push the back button and read my essay.

Author's Notes: All I have to say in my defense is its not meant to be taken seriously so please don't.

XoX

Chapter 4: The Truth is Out There

"_Sometimes the need to mess with their heads, outweighs the millstone of humiliation."_

_- Fox Mulder, The X-Files_

_Clover_, I thought happily as I made my way to my old dorm in Gryffindor Tower, _I'm going to have a daughter named Clover_.

The idea of having a little girl was definitely growing on me, I couldn't wait to hold her and take care of her. I imagined sending her off to her first year at Hogwarts and smiled broadly. Assuming I lived that long, it'd be awesome to have a real family.

I beamed up at the Fat Lady and told her the password ('Cat rat bat mat') and bounced into the common room.

Hermione and Ron immediately pounced on me.

"Harry!" Hermione shrieked, throwing her arms around me, "Are you alright? What happened? Are you in trouble?"

I laughed, "Calm down Hermione. I'm fine."

She pulled away from me and took in the expression on my face. "Wow," she said, "you certainly look happy. What happened?"

"Yeah mate," Ron said, jumping into the conversation, "you look... blissful."

I giggl – laughed, and motioned for Ron and Hermione to follow me up to the seventh-years' dorm. When we got there I pushed them both onto my bed, no wait, my _old_ bed and closed the curtains. Casting a silencing spell so what I said would stay between us I started my story.

"I," I stated proudly, "am going to be a father."

"Well we always assumed you'd want a family," Ron said, "big house, lots of kids, a dog, and a gorgeous wife."

"No, no!" I said, realizing they didn't get it, "I mean I'm going to have a child this _year_!"

They both looked at me in shock.

"Sorry Harry," Ron said, breaking the silence, "could you repeat that? I thought I just heard you say you were having a kid this year."

I nodded happily, "I did! We're having a little girl. Her name's going to be Clover 'cause both our mom's names were flowers so it's keeping with 'family tradition' or something like that. I can't wait! At first I was a little nervous, you know? But now I'm over the moon! A baby girl of my very own, can you imagine?"

Hermione and Ron stared at me, wide eyed and I belatedly realized that the whole thing might be a little hard for them to accept. Or understand.

"Harry... Who? And, and... when? What?" Hermione seemed a bit confused; the smartest witch of her age couldn't form a coherent sentence.

Ron turned pale. "It's not Ginny, is it?" he asked, voice barely audible.

I shook my head frantically. "No, no, no, Ron!" I cried, "Don't worry! It's not Ginny! It's not even a Gryffindor!" I clapped a hand over my mouth, realizing that I may have let more then intended slip out.

Hermione snapped out of her daze. "Oh Harry!" she cried, throwing her arms around me, "I know you've always wanted a family of your own, I'm so happy for you! Who's the lucky witch and when's the wedding? I assume there's going to be a wedding."

I gulped, damn 'Mione and her smarts, she had me in a corner I couldn't escape from. "Er, no Hermione. There isn't going to be a wedding... At least I don't think so. And... well... It's not a witch."

"A muggle?" Ron suggested, looking even paler then before, "Please tell me you got a muggle girlfriend over the summer because she wouldn't recognize you as the 'famous Harry Potter' and you fell in love and... er... made love. Then, she got pregnant and you're both taking care of the baby but she's a free spirit and doesn't want to be tied down at such a young age."

I almost nodded in agreement, it sounded more likely then me raping Draco Malfoy and getting him pregnant, that's for sure. "Uh... no Ron. It's... well it's a guy. You know him, and I'd tell you his name but I'm not sure you'd be able to take the shock." I explained.

A moment later, looking at Hermione and Ron's faces I wished I didn't have the whole 'Gryffindor Honesty' thing going on.

"A... man? Harry that's impossible," Hermione said, sounding like she was talking to a three-year-old.

Ron obviously knew better, "Harry... That's some powerful magic and you can't... You _can't_ without meaning to! Merlin... The name of your boyfriend is more of a shock then _this?_ Please tell me you didn't sleep with Snape!"

"What! Snape? Eww!" I yelled, "Ron, come on, even by accident I wouldn't have sex with _Snape!_"

Hermione, having readily accepted the fact that magic could get a guy pregnant, still had a few questions for me. "If," she mused, "it takes strong magic to prepare a man for impregnation then how could you have gotten someone pregnant by accident?"

I blushed; this was the part I'd been dreading. "Well," I said, twisting my hands in the sheets on the bed, "When Voldemort kidnapped me he gave me a lust potion that made me rape... the other guy and when it was over he modified me memory. The other guy was a spy for our side and got caught, Voldie decided to get an heir out of me and him as punishment."

Hermione and Ron gapped at me.

"R-rape?" Hermione stuttered, "And you don't remember a thing? How is... the other guy?"

Before I could answer Ron spoke up. "A spy? Harry are you _sure_ it wasn't Snape?"

Hermione and I looked at him, mouths twitching, before we burst out laughing.

XoX

Potter'd been gone an awful long time – not that I was worried or anything, just an observation. He told me he was heading up to Gryffindor Tower to get his things, dismissing my suggestion of letting the house-elfs do their job, and ran out of the room shortly after we'd decided on a name.

I glanced at the clock that, conveniently, actually _told time_. Can you imagine? No 'Draco is in the Great Hall' or 'Harry is in Mortal Peril' as he so often was, just the _time_. It was ingenious really but I digress, it had been half an hour.

I blame it all on being pregnant, but I was worried. Potter was no Slytherin and I knew the real reason behind his visit to the Gryffindork Headquarters was to tell his friend what had happened. What if they hadn't taken it well? They didn't look like it but they sure packed a punch, both magically and physically. Granger had one hell of a bitch-slap.

So, only half thinking about what I was doing, I waddled – yes waddled, shut up, _you_ try being five months pregnant and tell me you can walk properly. Even if the spells hid my size from random observers all that mass was still there! – to Gryffindor Tower.

I reached the portrait that guarded the entrance and wondered what I was doing. Obviously I couldn't knock on the picture and ask to see Harry Potter. If, as I suspected, he had told his friends about his upcoming fatherhood then me showing up would be as good as telling them who the other father was. Even if Potter's friend didn't answer the knock then whoever did wouldn't get Potter.

I turned to leave, only to find myself face to face with Professor McGonagall. "Mr. Malfoy," she said coldly, "what, may I ask, are you doing in this part of the castle?"

_Damn,_ I thought, _it couldn't have been some stupid First-year it had to be a Professor._ "You know about my... condition, right Professor? Well I was told that I should take walks for exercise to keep myself healthy while... you know," I said, thinking quickly. It wasn't like the location of the Gryffindor common room was common knowledge – although the way they all but broadcasted the location it should have been – so maybe I could convince her that I didn't know where I was.

My plan seemed to work as her expression softened and she began to gush over me. "Oh yes, you poor dear!" she cried, flinging her arms around me – I was surprised to say the least – and patting the invisible bulge that was by stomach, "I remember when I was pregnant with _my_ first, horrible business. How far along are you? Morning sickness subsided yet?"

"I'm five months," I said proudly, glad to finally talk to someone who knew what I was going through, although the idea of McGonagall as a sexual being disturbed me, "and yes, no more morning sickness. It's a girl! We've already decided on a name for her."

McGonagall beamed at me. "Wonderful dear! And what did you two decide on?"

"Clover," I said, "because both our mothers have flowers s their names. It's like family tradition."

McGonagall _squealed_ sounding uncomfortably like those two girls in her house. The seventh years, you know the ones – ditzy, boy obsessed, and stupid? Lilac and Party or something like that? Ah well. – McGonagall was all but bouncing in front of me with delight. "Clover!" she exclaimed, "What a wonderful name! Delightful!"

A first year Gryffindor came around the corner and gasped in shock. I suppose McGonagall's behavior was rather strange considering how she usually acted, but the gasp snapped her out of it and she cleared her throat authoritatively before turning to me and saying, "Draco dear, head back to your room. I'll send You-Know-Who down in a minute."

I nodded and smirked at the First-year who, having heard McGonagall say she'd send _You-Know-Who_ down in a minuet, had assumed the worst and was having a panic attack.

XoX

A/N's: Wow! 14 reviews! I'm so glad people like this story; it's really fun to write! Well, how do you think this chapter went? Lol, I think I ended my last Harry and Hermione scene in LC the same way... with the laughing. Convenient plot device that. Please review! Review encourage me to write 

And they feed my muse.

Oh, for more mpreg humor check out 'Harry Potter and the Daughter of Malfoy' by Fyre on Fiction Alley. It's in Riddikulus, much thanks to Aarutei7463 for recommending it!


	5. The Beginning

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Warning: This is a slash, mpreg (that's male pregnancy) story. For those of you who don't like that kind of thing or have an over whelming case of 'living in reality' I suggest you push the back button and read my essay.

Author's Notes: All I have to say in my defense is its not meant to be taken seriously so please don't.

Chapter 5: The Beginning

Rick : Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

_- Casablanca (1942)_

Hermione and Ron had taken the news of my impending fatherhood well – or at least better then could be expected. Ron had had his expected hysterics after which Hermione had gone through my story with a fine-toothed comb and made me re-tell it many times until she was satisfied, and they still didn't know who the other father was.

Which, on the whole, was probably a good thing.

I hummed quietly to myself as I made my way down to the rooms that Malfoy – no, _Draco_ – and I currently inhabited and ran headfirst into Professor McGonagall.

"Harry!" she exclaimed, clasping hands over a wrinkled and, thankfully, _very_ covered bosom, "I've just come from talking to You-Know-Who." This admission seemed to send the First-year that stood by her side into quiet hysterics. She glanced down at the girl and patted her shoulder reassuringly before turning back to me and saying, "I'm just going to tell everyone that you'll be taking a leave of absence from the dorms for the rest of the year. Don't worry though Harry, the full story is yours to tell."

I nodded once and continued on my way to my new rooms. Even if I was currently sharing them with Malfoy they were a hell of a lot nicer then the Gryffindor dorms.

XoX

I felt like my legs were on fire. Stairs are _not_ a good idea when you're pregnant – and I was living in a bloody castle that was practically made of stairs.

Lucky me.

I'd almost made it to the room when the Weaselette and Loony Luna rolled up.

Loony gave me the once over and said, "How far along are you?"

Okay, 'freaked out' doesn't even begin to describe how I felt at that particular moment in time. _No one_ and I mean _no one_ was supposed to be able to see through the charm, even Dumbledore couldn't tell unless he looked at me from the corner of his eye! Come on! _Loony Luna_ could see through my disguise? I was _so_ busted.

The Weaselette saved me. "What are you talking about Luna?" she asked stupidly. Really, how many things are there out there that require the question 'how far along are you'?

Loony turned to her dirt poor friend and smiled enigmatically. "That's between Draco and the father now, isn't it?"

The Weaselette just shrugged and scrunched up her ugly little face in confusion. Now usually, I'd be more then happy to rub her stupidity in her face but at this point in time I _really_ needed to pee and I _really_ wanted to get out of there.

Just my luck then that that's when Potter chose to make his grand entrance.

XoX

I turned the corner on my way to my new quarters and who should I see but Ginny, Luna, and Mal – Draco. Draco had his usual sneer fixed firmly in place, but his eyes had a hint of desperation in them. Luna looked... well, like she always does and Ginny looked confused – hanging out with Luna will do that to you.

I slowed my pace and smiled brightly at Ginny and Luna. "Hey," I said, "what's up?"

Draco gave me a dirty look but didn't say anything disparaging either so I figured we were making progress.

"Hey Harry!" Ginny exclaimed, smiling and latching herself to my arm, "Luna just wanted to talk to Malfoy for a bit." In a not so silent whisper she added, "Why anyone would want to talk to that git is beyond me."

I glanced at Draco who was having a staring contest with the serene Luna and shrugged. "Yeah well, nice seeing you Ginny but I gotta go."

She pouted a bit but released me from her clutches and I couldn't stop a small sigh of relief from escaping my mouth. I'd be one of the first to admit Ginny was gorgeous – flowing auburn hair, just a hint of freckles, warm chocolate eyes, and a body to die for – but she was like my little sister and was also quite the man eater.

I smiled at Luna and grabbed Draco's arm. "Come on Draco," I said, ignoring Ginny's gasp and Luna's knowing smile, "let's go."

He followed mutely for a bit and I was starting to hope someone'd put a silencing charm on him when he started to speak.

"Fuck Potter," he cursed, ruining the impression of elegance and grace his looks created, "do you know what kind of rumors are going to around the school by tomorrow now?"

I smirked – I've tried raising my eyebrow before but it doesn't really work, my whole forehead kind of get wrinkly and I end up looking rather stupid – and laughed. "And you thought we could keep the fact that we're now sharing a room separate from all the others secret? McGonagall, Snape, and Dumbledore will have some alibi for our current room situations and we can use that as an excuse for everything."

Draco thought about it for a moment before sighing and running a hand through his hair. "Really Potter, how nearly Slytherin of you. You do realize that's not going to stop the rumors."

"Like what?"

"Well for example, I'm a veela you you're my mate."

I snorted.

"Or we're soul and/or heart bonded."

Again, my response was a snort.

"Or, that I'm pregnant with your love child."

The way he said it, looking me in the eye with this bland expression on his face like he was talking about the weather, cracked me up. In the middle of the hallway, talking to Draco Malfoy my supposed arch rival, I burst into side-splitting laughter.

And that, was how it all started.

XoX

A/N's: Kya! I'm sorry it took soooooooooooo long! Please don't kill me! School is, unfortunately, starting again and my updates will slow down (but not stop!) I'm thinking I can put out on a week, sound good? Just to reassure you a bit more, I looooooove this story! It's really fun to write, and even though I enjoy reading dark fics, humor's what I've always been drawn to write. (Trust me when I say I'm a hell of a lot better at it.)

Special thanks to: Raffyne whose gorgeous review encouraged me to get over my brief bout of writer's block! And, of course, all of my other beautiful reviewers! Love ya!

Reviews feed my muse.


	6. Running Through My Head

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Warning: This is a slash, mpreg (that's male pregnancy) story. For those of you who don't like that kind of thing or have an over whelming case of 'living in reality' I suggest you push the back button and read my essay.

Author's Notes: All I have to say in my defense is its not meant to be taken seriously so please don't.

Chapter 6: Running Through My Head

"_Insanity – a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world."_

_- R. D. Lang_

Pregnant men are not fun to be around – especially pregnant _Malfoy_ men. You want to talk mood swings? Draco can go from nice to evil in 0.5 seconds. Little comments set him off as easily as big ones. The first time I saw him without the charms he wears to hide his size I happened to make a comment comparing him to a certain... marine mammal and he lashed out against me, and then Voldemort, and then men in general.

I waited until he had left the room, and I'd stopped the bleeding to start laughing.

I don't see how other students haven't noticed the changes in him and the teachers. The teachers – especially the female ones – are becoming much kinder to him, and I caught him discussing baby clothes with McGonagall the other day. In class he sits noticeably further away from the desk then he did before and – even though he was pretty moody before – he's been extremely vicious to almost everyone of late. His eating habits... ugh, don't even get me started. He has craving for the weirdest things at the weirdest times. Once he came and woke me up at four a.m. so I could go get him some pickles and watermelon from the kitchen!

And the whole time I'm thinking, 'why on Earth did I ever agree to this.' But really, I know the answer. It's because I do want a family and having a daughter all my own is so very tempting.

Besides, Draco and I are getting on better now.

XoX

Harry, and yes I'm starting to get used to calling him that, are getting on better now. I attribute it to him knowing his place now. He does what I tell him to do and I don't get mad.

Speaking of getting – or going as the case may be – mad, mood swings are _fun._ One comment about how I eat or my size and I explode! Its hilarious watching Potter – dammit, Harry – trying to calm me down. He'll do practically anything for me when it gets to that point. Ah, the possibilities.

Not in _that_ way of course. Honestly, heaven forbid anyone thinking we're in this together for any other reason then being victims of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's evil plans.

Because we're not.

Really.

Oh, stop looking at me like that you cretin. Ss what if I've noticed Potter's eyes on occasion? They are stunning – bloody hell, I did _not_ just say that – and I blame it on being pregnant.

You can do that when you are pregnant you know, blame things on it. When I don't get my homework done on time I tell the teacher that I wasn't feeling well because of the _awful_ ordeal I'm going through, assure them I want a daughter, and voila. No detention. I don't thing anyone's caught on to my little scheme yet, everyone seems so focused on keeping me happy they forget I'm a Malfoy and a Slytherin.

It's great, if I'd known the perks of being pregnant I'd of let Potter have his way with me sooner.

I blame that last thought on being pregnant as well.

Now go away, you bother me.

XoX

Author's Notes: Mua ha ha ha ha! Yes I know, there's no action in this chapter, but I wanted to slow it down a tad, besides, seeing what's going on in there minds is fun!

Reviews feed my muse.


	7. Every Morning

Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue! (That's just so much easier then the big official one this story used to sport!)

Warnings: Slash (m/m pairings), mpreg (male pregnancy)

Author's Notes: I've always wondered, if you're reading the seventh or eighth chapter of a story, don't you think you'd get the idea behind the warnings and they'd be useless? Hmm... I guess there's no accounting for the intelligence of some...

XoX

Chapter 7: Every Morning

"Beware of your habits. The better they are the more surely they will be your undoing."  
- Holbrook Jackson, Platitudes in the Making

I lay sprawled out on the couch waiting for Draco to finish getting ready so we could go down for breakfast as I did every morning. Professor Dumbledore had told the school that to 'improve house relations' Draco and I had been paired together in an experimental new system. The reason? Draco was very obviously the Slytherin king and I... well I was Harry Potter, the Gryffindor Golden Boy as Draco so often says.

Just as I was preparing to roll off the couch and drag Draco away from the mirrors in our joint bathroom he waddled out.

"Potter," he snapped, "get your arse out of that chair. I'm hungry." and then continued on his way out the door.

Really, I know it's because he's pregnant but it's still damned annoying to be yelled at for every other move you make. Sometimes I wonder about Draco's future wife or husband and find myself pitying them.

Or wanting to tear them to shreds – either sounds like a good option right now.

"Didn't you hear me Potter? Get off your fat arse and help me!"

I barely managed to refrain from making a comment about which on of us really had the 'fat arse' and dragged myself from the couch, stretching as I did so to get the kinks out of my back. "Fine Draco, where are your books? I'll carry them for you."

He gestured behind him and I took that as permission to go into his room and gather up his school things, it was one of the tasks I had to do for him now. His supplies beyond his wand and a book or two wee much to heavy for him to be carrying around in his condition, originally I hadn't believed his excuse but then we'd visited Madame Pomfrey and she'd affirmed it.

Draco's room was nice – almost exactly the same as mine, but with a heck of a lot more black in the theme. His books lay piled on his bed with what looked like Hermione's idea of 'light reading' materials.

I read the title of one as I weeded through them for his textbooks. _The Veela Enigma by Jennavere: An in-depth look at the mating habits of male Veela _

_Why on Earth would he need to know that?_ I thought, tossing it towards his pillow. But, curiosity killed the cat and the symbol of Gryffindor is a lion.

_The Fay Ones by Keyvie Snape_; I shuddered and tossed it towards the other book. Anything written by a relative of Snape's had to be evil. _Alvatas by Tinanit Enozym_; it was another book on mating habits and the like by the look of it. I'd always thought that Malfoy was in Care of Magical Creatures because it was an easy course, but looking at what he read in his free time I began to think that maybe I'd been wrong. Maybe it was time for me to change my opinion on Draco yet again.

Draco stomped into the room, grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the main door. "Let's go! I need to eat!"

Maybe not.

XoX

Holy shit.

Potter was _hot._

No wait... _Harry_ was hot.

I watched as he stretched languidly, arching his back and exposing a touch of smooth, pale skin. He made a humming noise in the back of his throat and it took all my self control not to jump him.

Not that I'm in any condition to jump anybody, fat as I am right now.

He asked me a question and I gestured vaguely behind me, hoping he'd get the answer he was looking for out of that while I replayed the vision he made while stretching over and over again in my head.

_Mmm..._

Which reminded me that I was hungry.

I spun on my heel and walked as fast as I could into my room, where I vaguely remembered seeing him going. "Let's go!" I cried, walking into the room and grabbing his arm, "I need to eat!"

XoX

The first day Draco and I had walked into the Great Hall together and ripple of surprise and shock had gone through all four tables, now they ignored it as a perfectly natural occurrence.

"It's my turn to sit where I want," I told Draco firmly, knowing that in the morning 'turns' made absolutely no difference to him.

"Don't care. Want food." And with that the moody bastard walked as smoothly as he could over to the Slytherin table and sat down beside Goyle, making sure there was enough room for me to sit down beside him.

By Draco Malfoy standards the action could be considered sweet and I chose to see it in that light, ignoring the nagging voice in my head that was telling me that the only reason he'd saved me a spot was because he wanted his textbooks.

I sat down beside him and quietly ate breakfast while Draco took control of his court again, we'd eaten at the Gryffindor table the night before and it seemedlike Zabini and Nott had staged a revolt while Draco was otherwise occupied.

"I'm telling you Zabini," Draco hissed, gesturing to him with a half-eaten cinnamon roll smothered in yogurt, "if I hear the slightest hint of another revolution from you you'll be in so much trouble you'll wish your mother hadn't carried you to term!"

"Carried me to term?"

"Never been born," I supplied offhandedly, reaching for an orange.

"Stay out of this Potter, I can use whatever analogies I bloody well want to!" Draco snapped.

Rolling my eyes I continued began to eat my orange, I was all but used to Draco's behavior by now and the fuming blonde beside me no longer ruffled my metaphorical feathers. The Slytherin's however, seemed to think I'd done something fantastically brave and were staring at me in a peculiar mix of awe and hate.

"Fuck Potter," Zabini said, eyes wide, "you've got to teach me how to do that sometime!"

I looked at him questioningly, while Draco munched on his second cinnamon bun.

"Do what?"

"Stand up to him like that... it's... it's amazing!"

I had to wonder what rock Zabini'd been under for the last six-and-a-bit years, me standing up to Malfoy wasn't exactly a new thing.

"What rock have you all been under for the last six-and-a-bit years?" Draco asked, snorting into his goblet of milk.

Okay, the word 'freaky' doesn't even begin to describe how I felt about my thoughts being echoed by Draco Malfoy.

Zabini blushed, "I... I need to get to potions."

I turned to Draco and raised an eyebrow.

He shrugged.

We laughed.

XoX

Author's Notes: Ah! It's so short and I absolutely despise the ending! I hope you liked it though, I promise the next one will be longer! Chapter is named after the song 'Every Morning' by Sugar Ray! Oh... and the 'books' mentioned in this chapter are all fics that exist on (they may also be archived elsewhere, but that's where I read them...) and are all a) brilliant and b) on my favorite stories list. If you haven't read them you definitely should!

Oh, as to the comment about Keyvie Snape... That was Harry not me! Ah! I just thought that that'd be Harry's reaction... don't kill me anyone! It's SOOOOO not my personal opinion... ;;


	8. What's in a Name?

Disclaimer: Not mine... unfortunately.

Warnings: If you haven't gotten this by now, I'm led to wonder about your breeding... SLASH!

XoX

Chapter 8: What's in a Name?

"What's in a name? that which we call a rose / By any other name would smell as sweet..."

- William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

After our shared 'moment' over the cowardice of the Slytherins – honestly, and I thought _Draco_ was bad? – we made our way to potions class.

Now, you should know that while I didn't do as well as McGonagall had hoped on my potions OWL, I'd done well enough to get me into Snape's NEWT level potions class – barely. And since some of the students who'd gotten higher marks then me had dropped the class in the end anyway (honestly, not many people wanted to spend two more years with Snape) I'd managed to sneak my way into it.

"Harry," Draco said suddenly, "Gryffindors are stupid."

"Umm..."

"Not you personally... well..." he paused for a moment then shook his head, "Not my point right now. Gryffindors are stupid because you told your friends about having a kid with another get and they still don't get it."

Now that he'd pointed it out...

"I think they're just in denial."

"Or they could be exceedingly stupid. Honestly, is it _that_ hard to believe I'd become a spy for the light?"

"Err..."

"Shut up you prat."

Thankfully, Draco was in a good mood this morning.

When we walked into the nearly empty potions classroom Snape shot me a trademarked evil glare and huffed up to Draco.

"How _are_ you feeling, Mr. Malfoy?" he asked in a condescending tone.

Draco was struggling not to raise an eyebrow, I could tell by the way his soft-pink, bow shaped mouth was pursed.

"I'm fine professor, why?"

Snape had been... weird to say the least, since we'd last seen him. He was almost as bad as Luna Lovegood who somehow contrived to send Draco into an epileptic fit every time she talked to him.

"Oh just wondering. Have you decided on a full name yet?"

"Full name?" I asked, puzzled.

Snape and Draco both shot me withering looks.

"Honestly Potter," Draco said airily, "she needs at _least_ three names!"

"Clover Malfoy-Potter?" I suggested hopefully.

"Do you even know how the wizarding naming system works?" Snape asked me, going from condescending to shocked in 0.5 seconds.

"Err..."

"Honestly, you'd think someone would teach you proper traditions. You see," Draco began, "In pureblood families names are very important. Names have power, that's why many people are afraid to say the Dark Lord's name. When a child is named only a select few will be told his or her full name, that way it's harder for people to hurt the kid. Because of this, purebloods developed a system based on rank and wealth when it came to naming their children. An heir will have at least three names, not including the last and the number of names can increase depending.

"Names don't have to have a special meaning. They can be from anywhere or anyone. The more uncommon the name, the less likely someone is to guess it and so purebloods often name there kids things like... well... like Draco. Really though, it's just a way for families to boost their self-esteem. I have seven names."

I blinked.

"Oh."

XoX

Potions class in always the worst for me to sit through. Half the ingredients we use can harm my baby, and there's always the danger of a cauldron blowing up or something.

And having Harry Potter as my potions partner didn't help much.

Sure, he's better then he used to be and knows I can't help with a fair amount of the potions we make for obvious reasons and he doesn't try to make me do my fair share of the work – I supervise and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid – but he's still Snape's least favorite student and that's bloody bringing my mark down!

He does look rather nice with his sleeves pushed up, robes of, and hair mussed though I've noticed other Slytherins (and some Gryffindors, damn that Seamus) eyeing him too. Really, you think they'd realize that there's a reason Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are attached at the fucking hip nowadays! I'd say it was fair obvious we were romantically 'involved' in some way, even if that's not true... yet...

And yes, I said yet.

Harry Potter is going to be _mine_ whether he likes it or not.

XoX

A/N's: Sorry this took so long! I hope you like it... I explained the 'pureblood naming system', did it make sense? I'm not sure since I made it up! Ooo... Draco's into Harry now! Yay!


	9. A Rose by any Other Name

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter – never have and, unfortunately, never will.

Warnings: SLASH! For Merlin's sake! If you don't get that by now then… well, I know someone who's in first-year psychology… I'm sure she could help you.

XoX

Chapter 9: A Rose by Any Other Name…

_"A relationship is like a rose,  
How long it lasts, no one knows;  
Love can erase an awful past,  
Love can be yours, you'll see at last;  
To feel that love, it makes you sigh,  
To have it leave, you'd rather die;  
You hope you've found that special rose,  
'Cause you love and care for the one you chose."  
-Rob Cella, "A Relationship is like a Rose"_

Okay, so naming a kid should _so_ not be this hard. I mean really, for a little over an hour I've been sitting brain-storming ideas for names with Hermione and Ron.

"Elinor!" Hermione suggested eagerly, "After Elinor Dashwood from Sense and Sensibility!"

I wrote the name down, adding it to a list of twenty that Hermione was particularly fond of. Going through the list I almost groaned; I could tell that Draco wouldn't like many of them.

"Hermione, we're supposed to be finding really obscure names that no one will guess!"

"Well you can hardly name her Rumplestiltskin, can you?" she huffed, throwing the book of baby names she'd had – for a reason I didn't even want to think about – over her shoulder and onto the floor. "Let's get down to it then. Your mother's name was Lily so… Suzette."

"Suzette?"

It means 'little lily' and it's of French origin, so it's perfect. Hmm… I don't suppose he'd be fond of the name Daffodil? I think it's the closest I can get to his mother's name."

I paled. "So… You know then?"

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Honestly Harry, it's not as if you're being terribly discreet! And you should hear some of the rumors going around, they're worse then the truth!"

Ron snorted.

"You too, Ron?" I'd been a bit worried about what his reaction would be when he finally found out, but he seemed alright with it.

"Don't worry mate, I've gotten over it."

I smiled gratefully. "Thank god! Right… Can you really imagine Draco agreeing to name his daughter something like Daffodil?"

Hermione laughed. "I suppose not… Well, let's look into his father's name then. Bearer of light… You know, Elinor would still work, it does mean 'light'."

I rolled my eyes. "Hermione, if you like the name so much then save it for when you have a kid."

She blushed.

"How about Lucrece, it means Bringer of Light too."

Weturned to stare at Ron.

"How on Earth did you know that?"

"Umm…"

"Do we want to know?"

"Well…" Ron paused and blushed, "It's one of my middle names. My mom figured people wouldn't guess a girls' name for a boy."

Hermione tried to stifle giggles behind her hand and I found myself coughing as hard as I could to cover up my laughter. Ron shot us an affronted look.

"Honestly, it's not as if I'm the only boy with a girl middle name."

Cue Dean and Seamus.

"Did I just hear what I thought I heard?" Seamus asked, smiling evilly as I strolled into the room.

"I believe you did, Mr. Finnegan." Dean said, casually sitting down on his bed and raising an eyebrow at Ron.

Ron groaned and buried his head in his hands.

"I'm never going to live this down, am I?" he asked piteously.

"I don't know Lucrece," Seamus answered easily, draping an arm around Ron and shooting Hermione, Dean and I a quick wink, "how much money have you got in that trunk of yours?"

XoX

After a nice, long laugh and an awkward ten minutes while we waited for Dean and Seamus to leave I was strolling towards my rooms with a list of name suggestions. I didn't think Draco would like most of them – using Lucrece would be out as soon as I told him that our daughter would share a name with Ron – I'd highlighted some I was particularly fond of.

Our daughter would have _'Virendra'_ somewhere in her name or there would be blood!

After she was born of course… and not a whole lot of blood, just a bit. Well… Maybe not blood… bruising? Draco's _so_ delicate though. Maybe a stern talking to would be sufficient. Any markings on Draco's body would be cause by something _far_ more pleasurable then fighting.

_Oh shit_.

Did I just allude to sex… or at least serious snogging… with Draco Malfoy?

_Gods I'm screwed._

XoX

I was ready. Glancing around the common room I shared with Harry I smirked. Cream colored roses lay casually on the coffee table and their scent permeated the air. My shirt was half open – charms firmly in place, thank you very much, I couldn't very well seduce Potter looking like a beached whale. My smirk grew as I bent over slightly with a rather undignified grunt and picked up one of the delicate roses, carefully avoiding the thorns. They were sharp – very sharp. Charmed that way in fact, all part of my master plan.

The door to the room clicked open and I schooled my eager expression, hooding my gorgeous, silver eyes and pouting my bottom lip out slightly.

Harry came into the room and smiled at me, leaving me dazed for a moment. "Hey Draco," he said, walking up to the couch and sitting next to me, "how're you feeling?"

_Horny. I'm in my second semester you bloody idiot! Fuck. Me. Now._ Of course, saying something like that would never work on a Gryffindork like Harry.

"Alright I suppose, I had another run in with that loony friend of yours. Keep her away from me there will be blood shed!"

Funnily enough, the mention of bloodshed caused Harry to blush slightly. I absently wondered what he'd been up to before coming here as I focused my attention on stroking the stem of the rose I was holding beseechingly.

It seemed to be working, thank Merlin, Harry's face was redder then ever.

"So," Harry squeaked, eyes fixated on the movements of my fingers, "I… um… came up with some more names."

"Oh?"

"Yes, um, what do you think of the name 'Virendra'?"

"Dammit Harry," it was becoming less and less difficult to call him that, "what did I say about putting weight on her shoulders?"

"How can you know it means brave! For Merlin's sake, it took me an hour to find that name!"

While the idea of Harry showing such a Slytherin side was appealing greatly to my libido, it wasn't doing anything for my mood swings.

"If you're so desperate to use a Gryffindor related name then fine! But, we have to have a name for every other house too!"

"Even Hufflepuff?"

"Even Hufflepuff!"

Dammit, did I just agree to give my daughter a Hufflepuff name?

"Excellent!" Harry smiled evilly, "What do you think then?"

I sighed, obviously the excitement of naming our daughter was over powering my seduction. Dammit all, my daughter hadn't even been born yet and she was already ruining my chances of getting laid.

"How about we start with Clover Virendra Emilie Leala Berit Hero Kaida Delaney Evangelia… err… Malfoy-Potter."

Harry's mouth was hanging open in shock. "Think about this much?"

"Well, gee Potter, _no_. I don't think about the name of the baby that I'm going to _give birth to_ in four months time _at all_!" I snapped sarcastically, immediately regretting it. "Sorry. Mood swings."

Harry just nodded and got up off the couch. I almost screamed in frustration – mostly sexual in nature – as he walked out of my line of sight. What did I have to do to get laid around here? Brew up another lust potion for Harry Potter, The Boy Who Wouldn't Shag Me?

Hands reached out and began to kneed my shoulders.

Oh… wow… 

I melted under Harry's touch, all but purring. The rose dropped to the ground, my plans of seduction forgotten.

"You're so tense!"

Was Harry using a cheap pick-up line on me, or was he that oblivious?

XoX

I winced as soon as the words left my mouth. Sure, Draco had a huge knot between his shoulder blades, but what 17-year old expecting father wouldn't be tense? I sounded _so_ cheesy.

"Was that a pick-up line, or are you really that oblivious?"

Well, so much for hoping it was strictly a muggle thing.

"Yeah… Brain to mouth, no filter." I explained, shrugging even though he couldn't see me. "Besides, if that'd been a pick-up line we'd be taking a step backwards, don't you think?"

Crap, that was almost as bad as 'you're so tense'.

Draco laughed, thank Merlin, "I suppose it would be at that."

"So… Clover Virendra Emilie Leala Berit Hero Kaida Delaney Evangelia Malfoy-Potter, then? Sounds long and complicated enough. Care to explain?"

"Gladly Potter," Draco said as he leaned into my touch. "Virendra means brave, a Gryffindor name. Emilie means ambitious, a Slytherin name. Leala means loyal, a Hufflepuff name. Berit means intelligent, a Ravenclaw name.

"Hero is for you. What you are and will be. Kaida is for me, a dragon. Delaney – enemy's child, I think that one is self-explanatory. Evangelia, bringer of life. Malfoy-Potter strictly because she's going to use both of our names, and wear them proudly. And before you protest, they're in alphabetical order."

I bit my tongue just as the protest started to escape.

"So I really had no choice in this then?"

Draco snorted, "I certainly didn't want my daughter to have all four houses in her name. I would have been perfectly happy with Clover Emilie Hero Kaida Evangelia Malfoy-Potter."

"Of course you would have."

"Shut up and rub, Potter."

XoX

Author's Notes: Poor Draco! He's not getting any! –snicker- What do you think of their daughter's full name? Hero, by the way, _can_ be a name and can also be used for both males and females. When addressing the issue of the name, please remember that they are middle names. Oh! There's something fun! What're your middle names/name? If anyone can guess mine then I'll send them the next chapter of whichever story of mine they like the most a day before I post in on ! You have until the next chapter or SKF, of until someone guesses! Hint: It stars with L and and ends with E!

Some of you may think that the rose was just in there to make the title fit the chapter, not so. The chapter was written before I added in the quote and title! The rose will show up next chapter, mua ha ha!

Reviews feed my muse!


	10. The Morning After

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and co. belong to JK Rowling etc etc amen.

Warnings: Slash

Author's Notes: Oh my! I'm so sorry this has taken me so long to update! I lost my inspiration for awhile… but it's back! Thanks for over 100 reviews! Also, this chapter if dedicated to iamtherealmaverick and burningchaos for correctly guessing my middle name… Lee!

XoX

Chapter 10: The Morning After

"_Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken."  
- Frank Herbert_

I woke up in the morning curled up on the couch with a very heavy Harry Potter leaning on me. If it hadn't felt so _good_ to have another body – _his_ body – snuggled up against me I probably would have kicked him onto the floor.

Sighing I reached an arm over to stroke some of his silky, black hair away from his forehead and wondered how we'd ended up asleep like this.

Not that I was complaining, only my last memory was drifting to sleep under Harry's agile fingers and it was a rather difficult position to fall into while asleep.

"Harry?" I whispered, shaking him gently, "Harry, you're crushing me."

"Wha…?" he mumbled adorably, rubbing his eyes and scrunching up his nose.

"You're crushing me," I repeated evenly.

"Oh!" Harry flung himself backwards and onto the floor, "I'm sorry, are you alright? Did I hurt you?"

I hid a smile and shook my head. "No," I said, "I'm fine."

Harry dismissed the idea out of hand and began fussing over me immediately.

"Oh Gods, Draco!" he cried, standing and fluffing the couch cushions, "Let me help you. Don't move! Should I elevate something?"

Okay, what?

"I'll go get Madame Pomfrey, she'll know what to do. You just sit here and relax, all right?" Harry began to run towards the door to our chamber and I barely caught his hand in time.

"Listen idiot," I said, yanking him so hard he fell back to the floor, "I'm _fine_, you weren't _really_ crushing me."

He blinked his large, green eyes owlishly at me.

"I'm _fine._"

Sighing Harry ran a hand through his unruly locks and said, "I'm sorry, I just get so worried. It's not like male pregnancy is an everyday thing, you know."

I laughed. "What are you talking about Potter? Of course it is! Why do you think they make pregnancy robes for men?"

"I…"

"That's what I thought," I sighed and grabbed a rose from the table, "here you go Potter, have a flower." It wasn't what I'd originally planned on doing, but my plans for seduction were pretty much ruined now.

"Wh-what?" Harry stuttered, blushing adorably, "F-for me?"

Damn, I was a genius and I didn't even know it.

"Yes for you, who did you think they were for? Take them."

So what if I didn't get to keep the roses? If it got Harry looking at me the way he was now I was willing to give him roses everyday.

"I… Don't you want to give them to… to your boyfriend or girlfriend or something?"

I snorted. "Potter, if I had a boyfriend don't you think I'd be with him now instead of with you?"

"I… so you're gay then?"

"Umm… _yeah_? Honestly, where have you been for the past two years Potter? I've been 'out' and about since the middle of fifth year."

"Oh."

"You have a problem with that, _Harry_?"

"N-no, why would I? It… it'd be hypocritical, wouldn't it?"

And so saying he fled the room, taking the roses with him.

XoX

_Bugger, bugger, bugger!_ I thought, frantically pacing in the Gryffindor common room, _Why in Merlin's name did I run away? He's going to think I'm weird and obsessive and that I like him and that I'm weird and he's not going to like _me!

Ron and Hermione watched from a comfortably plush couch as I wore a hole in the floor and brandished the roses that Draco had given me like some sort of weapon.

"Harry, stop pacing," Hermione commanded. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I'll tell you what's wrong!" I shouted angrily, "I'm weird and obsessive and I really _do_ like him and he's not going to like _me_ now!"

"Right," said Ron, "start from the beginning and try being a tad more coherent this time."

"It's not like it's that unusual, right? I mean, we're having a kid together so having a crush isn't a _bad_ thing, is it?" I asked desperately, spinning and staring at them forlornly.

"Harry, do you have a crush on _Draco Malfoy_?"

"Maybe… Sorta… Just a little bit…" I sighed, "Yes."

Hermione squealed, actually _squealed_.

"Hermione, are you all right?" I asked cautiously. "I know it's a shock, but it's not like I can do anything about it – you fancy who you fancy."

Ron nodded knowingly from beside Hermione, who was still making disturbingly teakettle like noises.

"Oh Harry!" she cried, "This is… This is… This is bloody brilliant!"

"Wha – what?" I stammered. If there was anything I didn't expect, it was this mindless enthusiasm.

"I have a _gay_ best friend! Oh, it's just like on the telly!"

"Tell – what?" asked Ron.

"And think about it Harry! We'll be able to talk about _boys_! Oh, I never had anyone to talk to about boys before! Well, I suppose in retrospect I _could_ have talked to Lavender and Parvati, but I suspect my IQ would have dropped at _least_ two significant figures."

Ron and I were staring at her in horror at this point. Who knew that Hermione was, deep down, such a _girl_?

"But… But Hermione, it's only a crush and what about that thing with Cho? Obviously I like both girls and… Draco," I said confidently, "so I'm not gay."

"Get over it Harry," she snapped, "you're as queer as Lucius Malfoy."

I blanched.

"And, that said, what seems to be the problem with this whole crush thing? You_ can't_ think that Malfoy (the younger one Harry, stop making that face) is straight – he's been out since the middle of fifth year!"

I blushed.

"It's not that, it's just that I kinda told him that _I_ was gay too (even though I am bisexual Hermione, really, I've known since this summer) and he'd just given me these really nice roses and now he probably thinks I'm weird and obsessive and he won't like _me_!"

"Harry," Ron said, strangely becoming the voice of reason, "if he doesn't like you then why did he give you flowers?"

I blinked.

"And why would he put up with living with you?"

My lips pursed in thought.

"And why did he hex Seamus for helping you pick up the books you dropped the other day?"

My forehead borrowed.

"Obviously, he likes you."

"Do you really think so?" I asked him eagerly, "Really, truly?"

Ron smirked and I absently noted that Draco's smirk was much nicer. "Yes Harry, I really, truly think that that git Malfoy likes you too. That said, if he hurts you I'll hex his balls off."

"He's right, Harry. You should probably go back and talk to him about it before he starts to think that _you_ don't like _him_ and moves on," Hermione affirmed confidently. "I bet you ran out as soon as he gave you those roses this morning."

"Nuh-uh!" I protested, "I… I told him I was gay after he told me _he_ was gay and then I ran away. And we'd just woken up anyway."

"You'd just woken up?"

"Oh, we ended up sleeping together on the couch in our Common Room," I said with a slight smile, remembering the feel of Draco pressed against me, body bloated with our unborn daughter.

"You… you _what_?" Ron shrieked, "You can't mean… Won't you hit the baby on the head or something if you do… _that_."

Hermione and I turned equally horrified faces to stare at Ron.

"I – Ron!" I shouted, "Eww! If I'd _slept_ with him slept with him I certainly wouldn't be worried about him not liking me or finding out them I'm ga – bisexual, would I?"

Ron blushed and shrugged. "Try to word your sentences more carefully next time."

"Why don't you try to keep your mind out of the gutter, Ron Weasely!" Hermione exclaimed.

I watched snickering as Hermione began to beat her boyfriend into submission.

XoX

I spent a good five minutes wondering if Harry running from the room with a bright red face was a good thing before deciding that he'd been overwhelmed by my obvious sex appeal and beauty.

Nevermind the bulging belly and swollen ankles. And ungainly waddle. And disgusting eating habits. And mood swings.

_Oh who the fuck am I kidding?_ I thought desperately, _He's obviously horrified at the prospect of having sex with me again._

Pouting I retrieved my wand form in-between the couch cushions – it's a perfectly safe place, thank you very much – and summoned a bag of chocolate frogs from my room. Clover liked chocolate and blood flavored lollipops, the same could not be said for licorice wands and ice mice.

"I bet," I told the empty room, "that he's telling Granger and the Weasel all about how stupid and fat I am." A frog was viciously decapitated. "And he's probably laughing at the stupid pregnant boy with a crush with his girl – boyfriend."

I was utterly miserable for some strange, unknown reason and I couldn't seem to snap myself out of it.

"He's probably sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room snogging the brains out of Finnegan and laughing about my stupidity. Or my ugliness. Or my _fatness_."

I felt tears prickling behind my eyelids, though for the life of me I couldn't come up with a decent reason for me to be crying. I rubbed my stomach comfortingly and ate another frog.

XoX

Author's Notes: End of chapter! Sorry for the horribly long wait, and thank you to my wonderful reviewers and readers for not giving up on me! Well, I'm off to write more, wish me luck! (Sorry for the lack of length.)


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